Help for Perfectionists

While perfectionism sometimes helps people to achieve higher levels of success, it comes at a high price. Perfectionism can make life miserable.

Perfectionists are generally:

  • Judgmental:  Have very high standards by which they evaluate everything (and everyone) they encounter; very critical of themselves and/or others.
  • Chronically dissatisfied:  Accomplishments never feel ‘good enough’ – with the ideal of perfection, they never measure up.
  • Controlling:  Under stress (which is pretty much always) become rigid and inflexible, trying to control the uncontrollable and getting extremely frustrated and angry when it doesn’t work. Perfectionists are control freaks.
  • Anxious:  Frantic and fearful about getting things done or done to your high standards. Perfectionists often feel stressed out.
  • Pessimistic:  Expect the worst possible outcomes and generalize negative outcomes to one’s entire life and self worth.  The worst part is they actually believe it.


Taken to the extreme, perfectionism can lead to:

  • Depression:  Either chronic low-grade depression (dysthymia) or more acute depression; also writer’s block, apathy, feeling paralyzed, or needing to quit everything and start over elsewhere.
  • Addiction:  Using alcohol, drugs, relationships, shopping and more to deal with the stress of perfectionism.
  • Eating disorders:  Exerting extreme control over your body with food or exercise.
  • Obsession/Compulsion:  Fixated on particular ideas, habits or behaviors.


Perfectionists frequently experience many of the following:

  • Fear of failure. For perfectionists, not achieving a goal equals “failure,” which impacts one’s sense of personal worth.
  • All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists often believe that they are worthless if their accomplishments are not perfect. For example, a “straight A” student who receives a “B” might believe, “I am a total failure.”
  • Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists are deathly afraid of making mistakes, especially in front of other people. In arranging their lives to avoid mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow, so fail by default.
  • Fear of disapproval. Perfectionists fear being “found out” – that others will see through them if any flaw is exposed. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, and disapproval.
  • Overemphasis on “shoulds.” Perfectionists’ lives are often structured by an endless list of “shoulds” that serve as rigid rules for how their lives must be led. With such an overemphasis on shoulds, perfectionists rarely take into account their own wants and desires.
  • Skewed perspective. Perfectionists tend to overestimate the strengths and successes of others and underestimate their own assets and efforts. They only see the negatives in themselves.
  • Dismissing the positive. When perfectionists do get positive feedback, they often dismiss it or give excuses as to why things weren’t better. They focus on the gap between the real and ideal results – never good enough.
  • “The sky is falling.” Perfectionists practice catastrophe thinking. They anticipate and prepare for the worst possible outcomes, even when they’re not at all likely.


There are benefits to failure, but perfectionism keeps you away from them.

VIDEO: J. K. Rowling on Failure

Excerpt (2 min.)
Part I (8:42)
Part II (4:49)

Wondering how you can lessen the impact of perfectionism on your life? Contact me to schedule a free consultation to learn more.